Can You Take Me Higher?
by ThrowDownTheKey
Summary: It starts out with just Maureen and Collins, then the rest of the bohemians join in with them! Lots of crazy, random ideas, and chock full with musical theatre references. :)


"Where are you going, Ang?" Collins asked, crinkling the newspaper in his hands.

Angel straightened out her floral skirt and swung her purse over her shoulder, "Out. With Mimi." She walked over and kissed the professor on the cheek, "I'll see you later."

Collins was a bit disappointed, he rarely ever got days off, and when he did he liked to spend them with Angel. There had to be some other way to have fun… and that's when he remembered the box of joints he'd stashed away, and the best friend who was home alone.

"Collins!" Maureen shouted. She ran up to the man and gave him a hug, "I've missed you, babe."

Collins set down his jacket, "Aww, I've missed you too." Then he pulled out the box, "Want to have some fun today?"

Maureen smirked, "I'm always up for fun with you." Then she pulled a lighter out of her pocket, "Ready?"

Collins gafawwed and sat down on the couch, "You carry a lighter on you now? Damn girl, you've changed." He light his cigar and stuck it between his lips, the smoke billowing out and filling the air.

Maureen took a breath through her joint, and blew it out carefully. "And now, we wait."

Joanne fiddled with her key before inserting it in the apartment's lock. When she opened the door, she was greeted by a flood of sweet smelling smoke, which soon filled her nostrils. "Collins…" she muttered.

She waved away a path of the black smoke, and her vision cleared. Not that what she saw was anything like what she wanted to see.

Collins was clad in only his boxers, with a tiara on his head. Maureen was wearing three huge, puffy winter coats and had what appeared to be a thong braided into her dark hair. "POOKEY!" Maureen screamed. She jumped off of the pillow she had been standing on, and then threw it out the open window. Collins screeched and flung himself over the window pane.

"MY BABY! YOU KILLED MY BABY!" he yelled, grabbing for the falling pillow.

Joanne ran over to Collins and pulled him back inside. "What the hell have you guys been smoking?"

Maureen walked up to her and whispered in the lawyer's ear, "It's okay, Banana. We all have to get eaten sometimes."

Collins was now standing on top of the kitchen counter, and attempting to pour cereal into the fish tank, but he failed to open the cardboard Cookie Crips box. Joanne rushed to his side and took the box away, putting it back in the cupboard.

"GOLD FISH CRACKERS!" Maureen shouted.

Collins pondered this, "I'm allergic to goldfish crackers," he replied thoughtfully. Then he grabbed the phone, and dialed a random number. "EVERYONE THINKS I'M STRAIGHT! BUT I'M REALLY REALLY GAY! AND THEN ONCE PEOPLE SEE MY ANGEL THEY KNOW I'M GAY! ANGEL IS A GIRL!" The poor person on the other end of the line must have been so confused.

"I'M SECRETLY MARRIED!" Maureen called out.

"What?" Joanne asked.

Maureen nodded, "I MARRIED A CORN FLAKE ONCE! AND THEN WE HAD CORN FLAKE BABIES!"

"You guys, are you hungry?" Joanne questioned, "Your high insanity seems to have a theme."

"SHUT UP, BANANA!" Collins yelled from across the room. Then he turned his head to Maureen, "I WANT TO BE AN ORIENTAL RUG! IT'S A CHILDHOOD DREAM OF MINE!"

Maureen put a hand on her friend's shoulder, "Than you go and get your dream. Be that rug!"

"CHALLENGE ACCEPTED, SELF FIVE!" Then Collins proceeded to high five himself. He ran into Joanne's office, and grabbed the brightly pattered rug from off her floor, which he wrapped around himself.

"IT'S A COLLINS BURRITO!" Maureen announced.

"No," he corrected her, "I am an oriental rug." Then he flopped down on his belly, and lay there on the ground for a while.

Maureen got fed up with all the silence and jumped on him, "I WANT A BLUE CARDIGAN! AND AN ARMY SOLDIER BOYFRIEND GUY!" she screamed.

Joanne sighed. She wished they would both fall asleep. She tried to speak her mind, "I wish-"

But Collins interrupted in song, "I WISH! MORE THAN ANYTHING! MORE THAN LIFE!"

Maureen soon joined in, "I WISH TO GO TO THE FESTIVAL!"

"Festival?" Joanne questioned.

Collins nodded dramatically, "THE PRINCE IS THROWING A FESTIVAL!"

Joanne sighed, it must be one of those showtunes. She decided to humor him, "Do you want to go to a festival?"

But Collins shook his head frantically, "BEANS BEANS BEANS! DON'T TOUCH MY BEANS! DON'T TOUCH MY GREENS! ESPECIALLY THE BEANS!"

"I want to fly!" Maureen said with determination. Then she stood on top of the couch, "I AM GREEN!" she sang, "I AM GREEN! I AM GREEN! FIIYYYEEERRRROOOO!"

"Fiyero?" Joanne asked. "That sounds like a made up word if I've ever heard one."

"He's dead," Maureen said solemnly.

"DEAD?" Joanne was mortified. "Someone's dead? You KILLED somebody!?"

Collins frowned, "Little girls. Little girls."

Joanne's eyes widened, "You killed little girls?"

Collins sniffed the air, "I can smell them."

Maureen threw off her shirt, "ORPHAN CHILDREN!" she shouted. Then she grabbed an old broom, and started hitting Collins with it.

"STOP!" he begged.

"NO! IT'S THE HARD KNOCK LIFE!" Maureen retaliated.

Joanne remembered something, and ran to the kitchen. She pulled out a package of red vines, "HERE! TAKE THESE!"

Red vines were kind of like Maureen and Collins' kryptonite. It could get them to calm down, fall asleep, they were the savior of highs. The two anarchists ate the red candy sticks, and fell down on the couch. Joanne grinned, "Red vines. What the hell can't they do?"

But then Collins got up, and snapped his fingers. Then he spun around.

"What is it?" Joanne said, exasperated.

But he didn't answer. He ran to Joanne's closet, and returned wearing a blazer. "I WANT TO GO TO AN ALL BOYS SCHOOL JUST FOR SINGING!"

"I don't think that's an option," Joanne reasoned.

"NO! LOOK! I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU!" he demanded. Then he started singing, "UPTOWN GIRLS! SHE'S BEEN LIVING IN HER WHITE RED WORLD! AND NOW SHE'S LOOKING FOR A DOWNTOWN MAN!" he pouted, "That's what I am, Joanne."

Maureen pulled a nutcracker off of a shelf, "Can I be Clara?" she asked.

"Yes," Joanne agreed, "You can be Clara."

Maureen kissed the wooden doll, hard. "TURN INTO A PRINCE!" she demanded.

Then Collins pulled an old puppet from the depths of Maureen's closet. He put it on his hand, and announced, "I AM A RACIST!"

"You're a racist?" Joanne asked.

"Just a little bit," Collins clarified.

Maureen patted his back, "That's okay. Everyone's a little bit racist. I'm a rockstar."

"Really?" Joanne said suspiciously.

"I WANNA ROCK!" Maureen yelled. "I WANT TO ROCK! ROCK! ROCK! WHAAAAAAUUUUUOOOOCCCCKKKK!"

"OKAY!" Joanne calmed the girl down, "I get it." Then she turned to Collins, "I'm going to call Angel so she can come pick you up."

"NO!" he pouted. "Don't call Angel. Mama, I'm a big girl now!"

"Yeah!" Maureen agreed, "Mama, I'm a big girl now!"

Joanne sighed and picked up her phone, dialing Angel's number. "Angel? Hello, it's Joanne." She explained everything that was going on, and how she got the sense that they were making tons and tons of musical theatre references that she didn't understand.

Pretty soon, Angel and Mimi arrived. "Omigod, omigod, you guys!" Mimi was stunned when she saw the state Maureen and Collins were in.

"Look's like Elle's gonna win the prize," Angel responded.

"Huh?" Joanne asked.

Mimi grinned, "Oh, just a Legally Blonde the Musical thing."

Angel picked up Collins' shirt and tried to put it on him, "How long have they been high?"

Joanne frowned, "No idea. I got home around an hour ago."

"Hello Angel," Collins smiled. "The Banana has taken good care of me."

"The banana?" she asked.

He nodded, "The Banana."

Mimi grabbed his arm, "Okay, then. Let's get you home."

"I WANT TO BE A STARSHIP RANGER!" Maureen screamed. "I WANT TO HAVE, THE THINGS THEY'VE GOT!"

Collins screamed back, "I GUESS I'D BE A HERO!"

Angel rolled her eyes, "Joanne, honey. Did you try Red Vines?"

"Yes, I did," she said. "They worked for a little while. Then it just got worse."

Maureen poked Mimi. Then she poked her again. And again. And again.

"Do you need something?" Mimi asked Maureen, annoyed.

"Do you know what there is at the end of the day?" she asked.

"What?" Mimi sighed.

Collins answered, "AT THE END OF THE DAY THERE'S ANOTHER DAY DAWNING!"

Angel groaned, and looked to her two sober friends, "There's only one thing left to do."

Mimi and Joanne's eyes widened, "What?" they asked.

"If you can't fight them," Angel surrendered, "Than you must join them." Then she passed around a few more joints, lit them, and joined Collins' and Maureen's high craziness.

Mimi grinned, "And now, we wait."

Roger and Mark banged on the door to Joanne's apartment. Mark discovered that the door was unlocked, so the filmmaker and the rocker went in.

The air was filled with a thick, sweet smelling smoke. Roger waved away a path, and then they saw something they didn't need to see. Luckily, Mark caught the priceless moment on camera. "What the HELL is going on in here?" Roger shouted. Mimi was swinging a mini French flag around, and appeared to be building a barricade out of chairs. Maureen was only wearing a blue cardigan, and was 'flying' around on a broomstick. Angel was wearing Collins' pants, and was sitting inside of the fridge, sucking on an unpeeled orange. Joanne had the Loser sign made out of her fingers, and was pressing it against her forehead, while singing God Bless America loudly and obnoxiously. Collins had a puppet on his foot, and was lying on the floor, wrapped up in a rug. He was yelling, "ORIENT! ORIENT! ORIENT!"

Mark grinned, "This is filming gold," he said as he caught Joanne licking an oven on film.

Roger sighed, "I'll go down to the store and pick up some Red Vines."

Joanne smiled and wrapped her arms around the rocker, "Don't leave me, Banana."


End file.
